This Week - A Mother's Heart

It's been a hard week. The Teen may be going to live with his father this summer and my heart feels like it's breaking. I love this boy so much.

I always knew the day would come when I would have to say goodbye, but I really never expected it to be so soon. While I'm becoming more confident that it's the right thing to do, it's still so hard.

How do I say goodbye after 15 years of loving him, caring for him, and praying for him? Right now he is down in his room playing video games with his friends via Xbox Live. I'm trying to remember every laugh and the sound of his changing voice. Will I remember it when the house is quiet?

What will it be like when the school bus goes by and it's not followed by his feet running up the driveway, his backpack being dropped right inside the door, and a shout... "Hey mom, can I have a fajita?"

Will I cry? Will I get used to it? Will I remember how precious these little things were?

For now I keep reminding myself:

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. - Psalm 28:7

God's hand is on this. He knows my thoughts from afar. He hears my prayers. He is my strength and my salvation.

Providence

A few weeks ago I received an email from Bethany House Book Reviewers with new non-fiction titles available. One of the books was Homeschooling for the Rest of Us. 

At the time, it didn't seem that important. I was not currently homeschooling the Teen, though I did for first and second grade. I will homeschool the baby, but that is several years away. But the book just struck me as interesting so on a whim, I requested it.

Flash forward three weeks. I had completely forgotten about the book. The Teen has missed 30 days of school so far. While he kept up all right first semester (mostly A's and B's), midquarters came out and he is failing 2 subjects and getting D's in 2 more. After prayer and discussion it was decided that I would start homeschooling him for part of the day, and he will finish the day in public school.

Being pregnant and already feeling overwhelmed with my workload, this seemed like a HUGE undertaking. For several days I had questioned whether I could really do this right now and if this would work for our family. This morning I felt completely consumed with anxiety. We are now less than a week away from homeschooling after being away from it for six years. Jumping into the end of eighth grade. All while I'm tired, nauseous, and not feeling like I have the energy to do what I currently have on my plate.

Then this afternoon I get an email from my husband. On the bottom it says Joshua 1:9. Exactly what I needed to hear:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Then I get home and check the mail. What arrived? Homeschooling for the Rest of Us. When I pulled it out of the package the back cover was up. Here's what it said:

Overwhelmed? Wonder How Others Do It All? Not Sure You're Cut Out for Homeschooling?

I was stunned. That's exactly how I felt. And God knew three weeks ago that I would need to read this book now. Even though homeschooling was not even a thought in my head at the time. God is so good.

Not My Teen!

Me: "T, why are you still in bed, you're going to be late for school."






T: "I'm too tired to get up, I lost an hour of sleep last night."






Me (a little confused): "How did you lose an hour of sleep?"






T: "Because of daylight savings!"




Me: " Ummm......... That was Saturday night and you gained an hour, so get up!"






True story, folks.

What Has Happened to my Child??

Has something strange seem to have come over your once-so-cute-and-sweet child?

Do they now ask you to drop them off a block away from the mall and slide down in the seat so no one can see them when you pass a group of their friends?


Have they ever consumed 3 boxes of Velveeta Shells and Cheese, 3 Red Bulls, 2 bags of marshmallows and one one bag of Doritos all in one evening?

Have they ever climbed a tree and refused to come down until you promise to never make them get a haircut?

Are you now the dumbest person your child has ever met....unless of course they need help with Algebra?



If you answered yes to any of these....welcome to adolescence. If not, it's never to early to start praying!

And yes, my lovely son has actually done all of these things. Even the tree climbing incident. Today I was so happy he came home from school in a good mood that I texted my husband to share the good news!

But honestly, while I see him growing into a young adult I'm also seeing God turn me into a more mature Christian. And maybe....just maybe I am seeing a little better how He must view us, the children (or teenagers??) of God.

Is failing to confess Christ a little like being dropped off around the corner from the mall?

Do I fill myself with "junk food" - movies, books, etc - instead of the solid food of the Word of God?

Is purposely ignoring the hard Scriptures ( Submit to your husbands anyone?) a little like climbing the tree and saying "No, God, that doesn't fit with how I think? That's not what I want to hear?"

Yes, I am definitely a sinner saved by grace. A lot of grace. I'm glad God has more patience with me than I do with my teen!